Julie's Eidetic or Photographic Memory: Essay VIII

1. I am fascinated with the way you seem to "zone out" when you engage with people--and enter into a trance. Is this a result of boredom--that people just can't "meet" you where you are? Or, alternatively, are there some people who engage you, who challenge your mind? Or, are you a person who so much learns from her own mind that you really don't NEED people with whom to react?

"The trance state I experience when engaged with a person is not the result of boredom. It is connected with a “switching process” that occurs when I’m concentrating on the person’s words and I am trying to better understand what the person is communicating to me. I still have some learning deficits that interfere with my ability to thoroughly understand a person. When a person speaks too rapidly, I can not follow along fast enough and the information coming in gets “choppy.” I can only grasp bits and pieces, and my mind can not process the information properly. The familiar saying, “well, that one just went over my head” holds true for me. As soon as I begin to concentrate and pay attention to the person speaking, the trance state gets triggered. It’s some kind of mechanism within my mind (one I don’t quite understand) that helps me to digest the information better. It allows the information to “sink in” so that I get a deeper meaning. This mode of mind comes about if the communication is on a deeper level, and if the person speaking is being honest and sincere. I’ve learned the difference between “communication” and a “weather conversation.”

2. Do you think your abuse-filled past helped to develop this eidetic image memory? That is, sometimes abused people "escape" to other worlds where things are safer or more beautiful. Do you think there is a connection between your eidetic abilities and the abuse you suffered?

"I have often wondered, if I had not been abused, if I would be as creative as I am today. The “fight or flight” mode is a powerful defense mechanism. In my case, since the abuse was severe and repetitive, my defense mechanisms were shoved into “high alert.” Just like how terror threats are rated on a scale from moderate to severe. That raw instinct to survive was working overtime. As I have mentioned before, when one’s life is threatened repeatedly, the instinct to survive kicks in. My brain was running in this “high alert” mode a good portion of my life, so it got a pretty good workout. Mental exercises that strengthen the brain is one thing, but when a mind is exercised too strenuously, a breakdown in certain areas of functioning can occur. My neurons were pushed to the limit. My mental faculties began suffering from exhaustion. A brain that is wired to the hilt doesn’t know how to relax, calm down and rest. My entire mental system was programmed to always be alert andready to take action if necessary. Imagine yourself desperately in need of sleep. You feel exhausted and you just want to get a little rest. Your brain begins to wind down and you get drowsy. The relaxation feeling is comforting and you begin to slip into slumber. Suddenly, your inner instinct turns on and you are reminded that sleeping (shutting down the system) is a dangerous thing to do. Alarm bells start going off inside your head. “Red Alert!” Your mental machinery starts firing up, just like a jet firing up its engines for takeoff. Your brain resumes its high alert mode and you are, once again, hot-wired and ready. You open your eyes and you stay awake, regardless of your exhaustion. Now, imagine having to run in this mode for years. I suffered with sleep deprivation until I left home. My eidetic abilities and my creative talent is the result of a mind that was forced to function in overdrive. But this is not a healthy way for a young child’s mind to develop. I’m a very creative person and I have a beautiful and brilliant mind, but I had to pay a very high price to attain it."

I was beginning to feel as if our conversation was not simply "Tuesdays with Morrie" but was "Everyday with Julie." I think I was beginning to "make sense" of Julie in my own mind, but I still had a few things to ask--in the next essay.

3052