Screwtape Returns II: A Letter from Screwtape to Wormwood Jr

II. Spread the Word. Even though she has picked the most seemingly virtuous task in the world, if she performs it in a corner or in the remotest outposts of Iceland, for example, it will not get the kind of notoreity which we need for our purposes. Thus, she needs to pick a very populous place for her ministry, one in which the cultures of the world cross, so that people can have no difficulty in identifying with her work from the East or the West. But it is not merely the location of her work that should receive our attention. We must assure that she will be in a position where the word will spread quickly of her ministry. How can this be? Well, we must orchestrate the approval of governments, the visit of famous visitors, and the increase in stories about her by the international press.

But then, there are two ways that we can assure that her popularity reaches worldwide proportions, even though these two methods are much harder to "pull off." Our biggest wish would be that she becomes the subject of a book (or several books) which would be written in English (and not in Finnish, for example), and that her ministry be highlighted in a movie. It is imperative that this film and book treatment of her be highly affirmative, highly filiopietistic. The reason for this is that people so much want to venerate others, so much want to put a fellow Christian on a pedestal that if we pull off uncritical presentations of her, we can be assured that we will "hook" millions of people to support her. It would be helpful if the person who would either write a book about her or do the film would himself or herself be a seeker, a seeker who is, by virtue of the book or movie, brought to faith in Christ. That is, the example of her piety and virtue would be so evident that it affects those who have studied her most closely. The point would be clear: if a skeptical person studied her life with care and passion and came to the conclusion that in fact we had a person here of exemplary piety, we would have made a great case for her being revered by countless millions around the world.

But this isnt' all. We have to orchestrate those occasions which humans love the most--and that is the giving of awards--for her benefit. Humans have a graded series of awards, both in the secular and religious world, and it would be great if we could so work it out that she would receive notice from these awarding-bodies. I almost hesitate to mention the one that I really want her to receive. I so lust after it (indeed, that was my great sin, the sin which landed me in this infernal job in the first place. But I can't help it. Lust is the thing that drove me at the beginning, and a species of it now compels me to act in all of my actions. You don't have to tell anyone about this; it is completely confidential). Here goes. I want her to win the Nobel Prize! I would so love it if she would be recognized by the great of the world in this fashion, so that she would be receiving the highest worldly recognition of her accomplishment. The Nobel Prize is so important for us because of its ability to leverage additional awards and notice. It is almost too much for me to wish for, but I have raised the issue at the highest levels of our organization, and I am happy to say that there is some resonance with the idea.

III. Gradual Erosion of the Inner Life. I could stay on the last idea forever, but I must hasten on. It is of primary importance that while she is developing a worldwise following and gaining all sorts of international recognition, that she start to experience crises of the inner life. But these crises have to be subtly and effectively managed by us in order to maximize their damage. This must happen in two ways. First, we have to give her the sense that she isn't completely and always in a spiritual wilderness. We must give her at least one "mountain-top" experience where she is so sure that she has experienced the grace of Christ that she will forever compare her later "dry" periods with this mountain-top experience. This will cause dissonance within her, leading her to suppress her feelings, in the first instance, but then lead her to reach out to confidants and others in writing and through oral confessions, where she admits that she has, as it were, "lost" her faith. By giving her this mountain top experience, where she will actually feel that she is being brought into the very presence of Christ, we will so confuse her and so tie her up intellectually that she won't know how to handle the subsequent darkness that we send her way.

But here is the beauty of what I suggest. When we send her the subsequent darkness, we will make it so that she cannot admit it publicly. She won't be able to admit it publicly because she already is so invested in her work that an admission of her spiritual dryness and bankruptcy would soon lead to bankruptcy in her ministry. And, by then, there will literally be thousands of people around the world who are so dependent on her that she simply cannot admit the darkness that is within her. But, because she is a person of genuine conscience, as well as ambition, we must find a way for her to get her thoughts out to some people. Once her thoughts are out, they run the risk of coming back to bite her, even posthumously, and we must assure that she have an avenue to do that. Since the epistolary tradition has a long history in Christianity, let her write letters to people, letters that are as genuine and heartfelt as those of the Apostel Paul, as she tells the miserable story of her spiritual desiccation. And, have her express the wish to all that these be destroyed after her death. After all, they would do her no good in that context.

IV. Have her Literary Executors Overrule her Desires, and Publish the Incriminating Letters. Even though she will express some unguarded and potentially self-damning thoughts in these letters, have her wish to have them destroyed not be honored. After all, convince someone high up in the hierarchy of the Catholic Church that there is a lot of money to be made by coming out with these letters sometime after her death. The Catholic Church will experience an unnamed crisis in the late 1990s [Editor's comment: this reference led me to believe that the this letter to Wormwood, Jr. was written before about 1998] that will cause it to lose millions and millions of dollars, much property and much public support. They will be in dire need of something that will be revenue-producing. Have theologians come forward to defend her, even as a controversy about her begins to swirl. Then, while the controversy swirls, everyone will have to buy copies of the published letters--thus filling the coffers of the lucky publisher and, possibly, the Church. Since she will be so far along the way to sanctification by this time (in my judgment), nothing will derail that train. Therefore, the Church will aruge that the publication of her letters is really a "win-win" situation. They will get rich; the woman's quest for sainthood will not be derailed; and the theologians will get publicity as they confuse laity and non-believers alike with their tortured explanations of how she remained faithful.

The only thing that no one realizes in all of this, my dear Wormwood Jr., is that we will be the big winners. Someone is going to ask the question of what constitutes faith in the modern world, and the realization will gradually dawn on people that the modern materialistic West has so far departed from the simple message of Christ that faith is only a dim memory from another age.

We have put considerable energy and resources into this task, my dear child. We cannot fail. The fate of our abyssal life, the bathybic beauty of our existence, rests on the successful completion of this plan. I need your full cooperation and support.

Your affectionate Relative,

Screwtape

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