Embracing the Basic Principles of Life

I am currently attending an Autism conference in Chicago. One of the "pre-conference workshops" is on "Legal Issues." In fact, that workshop just covers the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act and how it might apply to school-age children. It has been a useful workshop so far.

What dawned on me while I was listening to the presenters is that I began to hear them on two levels as they spoke. On the one hand, they spoke on (and I tried to understand) the specific items of information they conveyed--about the law or about how to negotiate complex bureaucries. But more interesting to me, on the other hand, was a growing sense I had that about 80% of the things they said could be boiled down to a few basic principles that are helpful not simply in working on special education issues but in achieving success in life in general. I suppose that was what Robert Fulghum, a "big" name from the 1980s who has dropped off the celebrity screen in the past decade, meant when he wrote the book entitled Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. If you just know what the basic principles of successful living are you will be about 80% of the way "there" in whatever endeavor you pursue.

Well, what are those basic principles of life you need to apply to the special education area or, more specifically, in supporting families with autistic spectrum children or others who might require special education services? Here are five principles.

I. Take Charge of the Process

The process of getting an IEP (Individual Education Plan) from a local school district for a child is a complex one. The best thing you can do is to try to establish some kind of "control" over the process, especially because you (the parent or attorney) are the ones who are the absolutely essential player in the process. But this is simply good life advice. You establish maximum happiness in life to the extent you try to identify what you want to accomplish and then implement means by which you can reach your goals. I have seen tons of people seemingly just swept along by the processes of life (many of them swept along by financial issues, for example), and they therefore act as if they are victims or completely helpless to pursue other courses of activity. But when you start to take charge of your health, your diet, your money, your learning, some of your relationships, etc. you can become a happier and more fulfilled person. Life is often about identifying and going after what you really want, even if you don't get it all the time.

II. Try to Put the Ball in Their Court

They told us that we shouldn't let the school district try to define the issues the way they wanted to. That is, when the district wants us to make a decision right now or tries to put the burden of deciding an issue on us right away, we often don't have to comply with that request. In any kind of human negotiation people try to give you the impression that something is your problem, and that you have to solve it now or else life can't go on. Of course, there are problems we each have to solve, some of them immediately. But the important principle of life success here is that you should try, as much as possible, to put others in a responsive mode. The way I have tried to put it to my students is to "clean off my own desk" and put the issue in someone else's "in box." Clean things off your desk in a responsible manner, and then you can really get onto the things that you want to do in life.

III. Keep Written Records

The most important thing in legal disputes with respect to written records is the creation of a rich and explicable chronology of "how things happened" so that you can make the decision of a person not familiar with the case (a judge or hearings officer) easy. Attorneys love clients who have kept a log of the events leading up the issue they are called up on to solve. But this is an incredibly important life skill that really transcends autism or legal issues. Just document things, as much as you can. You won't regret it. Actually, if you learn to do this, you will discover that your mind begins to think in historical patterns, and you will be a more persuasive narrator of events to others.

IV. Seek as Much Precision as Possible

We were told that school districts, in order not to "box themselves in," often will agree to perform services for students in the most general language possible. They will say, for example, that they support the education of the student in a "rich linguistic environment," whatever that means. But unless parents push for specificity (does this mean individualized speech therapy? how many hours per week? by a person with what qualifications?), the districts can sneak out of responsibility, or only provide minimal services, as long as it fits under the generic words of the IEP. But just as it is important for parents and others to seek precision in the services districts should provide for their kids, so it is essential in life that people learn to speak with precision in their desires. In general people aren't trained to narrate events sequentially or to specify their thoughts in a precise manner. Ambiguous conversations are often the result. Of course, precision doesn't solve all life's problems, but it does put the other on notice of what is expected/agreed to, and it helps to sharpen your own desires.

V. When You Don't Understand, Ask

We are inundated by jargon at all levels of human communication. "Educatese" is a disease that is sometimes worse than others because it draws on tons of disciplines to express its obscurity. Yet, a confident person should not be afraid to ask the school district about things that aren't clear. And, of course, this is great life advice. We are often cowed into silence by jargon, by swift-talking people, who want to leave the burden of understanding fully on us. But often understanding doesn't exist because people are immuring themselves into their own worlds by jargon-laden points that don't carry clarity with them. So, don't be afraid to ask, even if the question seems trivially simple.

Indeed, I think that since so much of life is nothing but returning to basic principles, that asking the most basic questions actually helps in moving all kinds of the most complex human thinking along. Asking the basic question of "what does this word mean?" is the most underrated skill in life. Indeed, I think that the world will be redefined not so much by people who come up with the new discovery as by those who just ask for clarification of terms people use.

Thus, the bottom line, I am learning, is that we just need to massage basic principles. About 80% of the time. Cliches can take you another distance (that is for another essay), and then actual knowledge of a field and its language takes you home. But spend time with at least these five basic principles. You won't regret it.

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